Pishposh71's Blog

Day 533: Internet Cougar Status

Posted in Re Inventing Me by pishposh71 on May 22, 2011
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OK so I will be the first one to tell you that getting older sucks.  I mean your body ages, the time goes by but your brain? that still thinks the same way (well mostly the same way) as it did when you where like 20.  If you are in your twenties then this is good news for you. If you are in say maybe your late thirties then it blows.  It means that you are officially a Cougar. Shoot. Me. Now.

I came to think of this as I had a rather weird dream last night that I was hanging out with some guy who is 15 years my junior. Now before you all crinkle your noses at this I want you to think of Demi and Ashton, so don’t snub me!  It wasn’t one of THOSE dreams (I hear those happen in your fifties) but rather a nice little PG number.  In my defense I spent about and hour last night reading the back story to his blog. There are over 260 pages to it so being the uptight anal curious person I am I needed to start at the beginning (still have 150 pages to go).  The great thing about reading Ben’s story is that I can relate to it completely.  The way he has felt at various points on his journey and his humorous outlook toward things really are a mirror image of mine.So you see that although I am getting old I can still relate to the young folks and how they feel.

So because I now have this creepy little inappropriate crush on Ben’s story I thought I would add a link so you can check it out too.  Try not to be blinded by his now great success and forget about little ‘ol me still fighting to locate the new better me under this remaining 40 lbs or so.

If you read it then dont forget to take a peek at the beginning of his journey!  Ben Does Lifeis really a chapter or so ahead of me but its only a matter of time before I catch up and fully enjoy my life to its full potential.

*Edit: I am not going to lie here. Ben is a very cute guy with a wicked sense of humor but I am married so therefore will not be running away with him when I locate my super hot new body. Unless he knows about pool maintenance, then maybe I will reconsider (relates to a future post)


Day 524: Feeling Proud

There are moments that stand out in life when you really feel good about yourself and last night I got one of those moments.

As anyone who reads knows I am eating, training and finding all my inspiration from one of my oldest friends training facility and her advice.  I owe them the world for all they have done to help me and I am excited about the opportunity to help promote them with my new healthy approach to life.

As their gym is about half an hour away I joined a local gym to access the equipment I need. This allows me the ability to train 4 or 5 time a week instead of once.  When I joined I think I was viewed as one of those people who says they want to get into shape but never do. I base that on some simple little observations I made.  Now I would like to input now that my friend has always had faith in my ability to do this, even when I sometimes doubted myself.  That made me feel really good about myself, but as a friend that is what is expected of her right?

Well last night when I finished my workout the owner of the gym approached me and said she wanted to show me a few exercises she had watched her trainer use the day prior.  As we chatted she got to her point, which was that she wondered if I would be willing to be a spokesperson for SNAP fitness, basically she said that they would like to utilize my journey to health on their national website.  I think she already knew that I would say no, which I did, but let me tell you that it was a huge moment of success for me!!  This woman who looked at me with uncertain doubt has come full circle and now sees me as a serious case.  I explained to her that although it was flattering I had already agreed to be featured for another facility that had been providing me with routines, diet and motivation for over a year.  She said she understood and told me that I was doing an amazing job!

Today I am a shiny yellow ball!

Day 499: Photos and such

So today I will be doing my second set of pictures for the Eat Clean Challenge. I’m not really expecting to see much of a change from the first ones as I have only lost another 5 lbs and no plastic surgery has happened!  Anyway I did take the time to bust out the flat-iron and my make up so my head looks good if nothing else.  One thing I have discovered is that although I may love apple green this bikini I picked to use for the challenge  is a bad choice for me.  I will keep wearing it for the monthly photos because I am committed to doing this. However I have realized that if I plan on ever wearing one in real life I better invest some cash into a good quality under wired one.  My boobs are just too big to be given free range!!  Good news is that they are getting smaller slow but sure but I doubt they will ever reach what I consider manageable.I will also be taking my measurements to log with the pictures. Hopefully I will be left feeling accomplished despite the small alterations. Once my photographer has them ready I will post them here for your critic.  My hope is that sometime in June I will invest in a new suit to wear for the remainder of the contest (and tanning in the privacy of my backyard).

Yesterday I managed to squeeze in cooking a batch of meatballs for the freezer. This was the first time that I made them and I have to say they are pretty yummy!  What was even better was the smell of them cooking, it was like I was roasting a turkey and the air smelled like stuffing. I love stuffing!  I am so thankful that my weekly weigh in is on Saturdays and NOT Mondays with Easter on our doorsteps!  Should you wish to make your house smell amazing then head over to  http://optimumbodies.ca/blog/?p=163 to get the recipe  (also available on the blogs listed to the right of my page)

Turkey meatballs ready for the oven

Today is another miserable cold day and as usual I have a list of things that need to get done around here.  I never did finish my baking so will need to whip up a batch of this or that each day to make it happen.  No worries there as my house will be going into GEARS OF WAR 3 BETA mode tonight. So basically that means I will be living with zombies for the next few weeks as all the males in my house will be locked into some hard-core game play. For me that means gym time without any association of guilty for the me time!

Day 484: but its Sunday…….

I am a lazy person at heart.  Deep in my core there is nothing I like more that to curl up with a good book by the fire and do nothing at all, or to sleep in, oh yeah, I love to sleep in.  I am so not a morning person.  I am that person who gives you the stink eye and may cut off your hand with a butter knife if you smile at me before my cup of tea. It’s just how I am programmed.

My husband on the other hand can get up and be his usual self.  It may take him 45 minutes of snooze to get up but once he is up he is up. I would like to change this about myself.  When I worked outside the house I was up, dressed for public viewing with hair and make up completed, fed both my small son (he was small back then) and myself.  We caught the bus at 6:10am to take him to the sitters. I did it without a snooze button and no one was hurt or maimed in the process.

Today I find myself awake and up early for a Sunday morning. 8am is a weekday thing around here!  That said I am still up (I went to bed at 2am) and motivated to get to the gym. I havent been in three days as I have been busy or sick.  So today I get back into my routine of workouts.  The three-day break gave me some insight into my body though. I had a chance to see what hurts if I let up on it a little.  I already knew that my right elbow was feeling a little off (I know exactly what I was using when I did that) and now I am feeling an oddity in my left knee.  Simple solution: I will let off on these 2 areas and let them rest a little.  Starting at the local gym was sort of like a race horse out of the gate, hard and furious, sooner or later it has to pace out!

So I am off to start my day.  One that I believe will be VERY busy as we are hosting my daughter’s birthday party here tonight. I have lots to do as I did nothing Friday night (sick) and spent the entire day yesterday shopping the mall with my daughter (what a great day it was with just us two) so I have no groceries for next week yet, or party food, or my weekly Wal-Mart trip (we have to buy and assemble a TV unit before Thursday night when the hubbies new TV arrives)

So I am up, have eaten and am going to bike to the gym (if I can get my bike down without killing myself from the garage roof) Today’s motivation comes from a good friend of mine, who seems to always believe in me and what I can do.  It means the world to me as I spent a lifetime being told what I COULDNT DO.  Friends that tell you YOU CAN DO IT are a blessing to my life, heart and soul.

I leave you with this quote by a new friend I have made on Facebook. Another success story and life greatly enhanced by the drive and determination to be her best.

“Self-esteem takes a long time to build up if you lack it but only a few poorly chosen words to tear it down. Words can hurt without your intention so choose them carefully. ”  Mary Kay Valenti


Day 483: Thank You!

Oh thank you thank you thank you for letting it only be a 24 hour bug. I was terrified it was going to be a 3 day deal that would ruin my entire weekend and all the birthday plans I have for our girlie girlie shopping day with my daughter.  I have secretly been looking forward to this time together for the last week.  Its fun to go off with her and shop.  I also know that the clock is ticking on this activity and in a few years I wont be a part of this anymore.

Our kids go everywhere with us, we have always been like that.  It’s not very often that we go without them.  In some ways I think that’s a good thing and in others I think it’s a bad thing.

Anyway, today was scale day and as we all know I am desperately fighting the scale to see 199 again.  My body has other plans though and intends to be a pain in the ass every step of the way on this.  So today the scale is 201.6 lbs. This is also after being sick yesterday so it may not be a true reading.  I did make sure that I drank yesterday, ginger ale and water all day long in hopes that I wouldn’t become dehydrated.  When I went to bed at 8pm last night I cheated and got on the scale and it said 200.2 lbs.  I had a chuckle at that.  Even when I’m sick that bloody scale won’t give me the satisfaction of seeing a 1 instead of a 2.  This is a big milestone for me.  It’s a mark of success that holds significance and these past few weeks have been a battle to defeat it.  It hasn’t pulled me down or made me depressed like it would have a year ago but rather I find it annoying and it just plain pisses me off.  Last year this would have made me depressed and think about junk food. This year it makes me want to go to the gym.  As the time passes the way you think changes and also improves for the better.  I am hoping that eventually I can get my family to make these changes too.

Thankful for feeling better and glad that I can get a workout in today plus pay for my years membership (thank you tax return) which is another positive step toward my final goal.

I have decided to be a little less demanding of the scale. ALmost 3 weeks ago I thought I would break that 200 mark and I am still fighting with it.  I would like to break it next week but I have accepted that it may take longer.  I understand that WILL happen because I can control that.  I also know that the WHEN is totally out of my hands and in control of this wretched body!!

Day 480: Its a slow race

Posted in Re Inventing Me by pishposh71 on March 30, 2011
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There are days that I think of my body like a teenager.

Not like all firm and perfect though. More like all sulky, bitchy and moody doing everything in its power to piss of the authority figures (which in this case would be my brain).  I have been busting my ass the last 8 weeks to get back on track again.  To remove that little 16 lb slip that happened when I dropped the ball last Christmas and forgot to hold myself accountable.  My body with forthcoming to start with and the pounds started to slip off again, we hit a lull three weeks ago which was resolved with some serious restraints on what and how I would eat.  This worked well too. I became very excited as the scale moved back toward my original point.  Now however it seems to want to hover at the same mark again.  I need to get that 4 to be a 0 again and then I can move forward again.  I will have returned to the point I left off.

This may not make sense to someone new here, hell being excited to weigh 200 lbs again may seem sad to some.  For me though? It means I have undone a winters worth of damage and put the train back on the tracks so to speak.  Breaking that pesky 200 lb mark has been a struggle to say the least.  My body wants to fight me on this every step of the way but this is one battle it’s not going to win.

So I wait for the weekend to arrive so I can climb on the scale again.  I need to see a positive result for my own mental health. If I don’t? well  we will keep going and figure out what to adjust to see more results.

This week I have been to the gym every day.  Creating workouts has been a rather fun experience for me.  I have always been directed what to do (which is fine by me in this area of my life) but it feels good to be teaching myself what exercises do what and actually thinking about what I am doing.

Yesterdays workout looked like this:

Treadmill—–5 minutes——–level 6-135-147
Leg Extension machine———–45 lbs 3 sets of 15
Seated Curl Machine———65 lbs  3 sets of 15
Abduction machine———–65 lbs 3 sets of 15
Adduction machine————50 lbs 3 sets of 15
Angled Leg press————–120 lbs 3 sets of 15
Plank—————60 seconds ( a REAL plank up on my legs not my knees!!!!!!!!!!) only once though 🙂
Dumbbell front raise———-2 x 10 lbs 3 sets of 10
Incline Press machine———–41 lbs ( 10 x 2 plus bars 10.5 lbs x2) 3 sets of 8
Abdominal Machine————–60 lbs 3 sets of 10
Crunch on mat————–no weight 3 sets of 15
One dumbbell triceps————-20 lbs 3 sets of 15
Side Ups————————no weight 3 sets of 15
Total calories they estimate burned based on my weight is 581
Time to complete: 1 hour

As for food:

8am  200 grams egg white with veggies, slice of Ezekiel 4:9 bread toasted, 1 tsp becel Olivia, 1/2 cup OJ

11am 1/2 grilled cheese sandwich ( it was an accident) and a protein shake

3pm  yogurt and strawberries

6pm chicken stir fry (no rice) and a really gross Weight watchers lemon cake (wont eat that again)

8.30pm  250g egg whites and 20g light cheddar cheese

Day 479: Words

Yesterday I was over on the Eat Clean Kitchen Table reading various stories and quotes.  Most of what I read now makes total sense and I have a understanding of what people are feeling or experiencing.  I suddenly realized that this has a significant meaning.  I have reached a point where I can remember feeling a certain way about myself or the way I lived.  What a terrific feeling to suddenly get that I am on the road to being me again.  Not just waiting at the light to go but well on my way.

One member over there really resonates with me.  I feel her pain and recognize it for what it is, what it always was and would remain until she sees it for what it is.  Her recent post really rang home with its truth and I was so happy to see her reach this point.  Her quote was, “TO CURE JEALOUSY IS TO SEE IT FOR WHAT IT IS, A DISSATISFACTION WITH SELF”.  No truer words could be said.  Admitting to the world and yourself that you don’t believe in yourself or your worth is the first painful truth you need to make in order to get up and build yourself up.  I know this first hand.  It is easy to hide self hate within yourself but much braver to own it and begin healing.  Just the act itself is half the battle because once you do it you have the strength to push yourself.

Another post talked about a positive attitude toward your success.  It seems silly that little words can change how you respond to situations and your own motivation but this is so very true.  I was a doubter about this one all around but open to try anything once.  It made a difference, taking a negative and finding a positive spin on it has to be a necessity if you want to succeed at this.

So these words are quoted from another post:


These words in your vocabulary have got to go in regards to your will to succeed….

“but” – “try” – “hope”

I want to eat clean but ______________ (insert any excuse here…too expensive, my sister does the cooking, i don’t have time to prepare, etc…)

That word “but” negates everything before it.

I am trying to work out 3x a week.

There is no level of commitment there. There is no real intention. Because if you don’t reach that goal….well then you didn’t really fail because at least you tried.

I hope I can run that 5K in 6 weeks.

Hope is not a strategy. Any real goal needs a plan….and a good sound one at that!

I wasn’t always disciplined. In order for change to occur…..your cuurent situation has to become more uncomfortable that what the situation entails for changing that current situation.

“There is going to be pain in your life. It is going to be the pain of discilpine….or the pain of regeret.”

Day 475: Thats more like it

So last night I went back to the gym with my workout in hand, ready to really push myself hard.  It felt good to be driven and motivated.  I felt like me, the old me trapped under this sludge.

I am happy to say that I completed the entire workout I designed for myself and it was on the mark for what I needed.  I don’t think that I could have done much more in regards to weight or reps without having someone carry me home.  I did another leg workout as I didn’t feel anything from the previous days workout (much to my surprise) and I added in some abs too.  I think that I will have alittle bit of abs in every workout just because I find it pushes me.  My legs and my belly are the worst bits I think. Cursed with bad genetics in the leg department.

OK well I am going to post the horrible pictures of me in my bikini.  I know they are gross, but try to remember when you are judging how bad they look how hard I have worked to get to this point.  Try to remember that sadly this is a big improvemnet from what I began this journey with, and that by showing you this; here; well thats a leap of faith that leaves me feeling rather vulnerable.

So here it is.

So because I am freaking right now about doing this I am going to look for positives:

1. I have varicose veins. That’s bad genetics and not my fault.  I can have this fixed by my Doctor.  Easy fix, let it go

2.Cottage cheese. I don’t like the stuff but I have a barrel of it. I did have a truckload before so this is better. Eat Clean, and legs at gym can work this out.

3. Do I have a belly button in there?  Yes I do. I can see it now which is an imporovement from last year. Eat Clean and Abs at the gym can fix this.

4. Belly, belly, belly.  OK yes, I have a big ol belly still but it is recessing away.  I can literally see it shrinking inward and that my friends is a great feeling even if it may not look that good!  I also have a curve at the waist that hasn’t been around since 1997.

5. My bad has a roll of fat.   Dont knock it!! Thats one roll of fat which means that the other 3 are now BANISHED!!!!!!!

6. My face.  I have never been photogenic but that aside, I am delighted at my face these days. My head had become round and my chin had found a twin. Now it is oval again and because the twin disappeared I feel more confident to smile

So to a stranger looking at this it may be unappealing, but to me?  This is a step in the right direction.

Day 437: Motivation

It has been said many times that you must find as many forms of motivation that you can to help push you toward success. Be it music that uplifts your spirit and encourages you toward your goal, rewards to give as you make your milestones, or small reminders to help you stay focused.

I have all of these things in my life and I use them to drive me whenever I face temptation. Yesterday was one of those days for me.  I said yesterday that I had no worries about my husband bringing me chocolate for Valentines Day and that was a safe statement. What I didn’t expect was for a friend to show up at my door with some chocolates.  SOUND THE ALARM!!!!!!!

So how do you talk yourself off of the ledge when handed about 900 calories worth of milk chocolate yumminess? You turn to those things that can motive you.  So how did I make it through this crisis?

Easy, I decided to photo edit a screen saver for my Blackberry. I got this idea from my friend and trainer who also has an image on her phone to remind her of what she wants.

My ideal body belongs to an actress named Alyson Michalka who stars in a TV show called Hellcats (I don’t watch it though).  I have seen the commercials for this show a million times and have always thought that she has a great figure (and reminds me vaguely of my former shape) Now Alyson was born in 1989 making her a baby at 22, so without a time machine or major medical breakthroughs I will never look exactly like this.  That said I would like to have these curves and cuts to my shape again (I realize that I may need a tummy tuck to have that belly after 3 c sections though) and a breast reduction could leave me comfortably back at a 38C again with my nipples facing the wall instead of the baseboard!

It is one particular poster of the entire cast that I like and so I edited out everyone else and worked from there.

Day 353: Believe

In order to succeed in anything in life you have to first believe in your ability to do it. Not think that you can do it but KNOW that you can do it.

I think this is a big element of peoples failure when it comes to weight loss.  I know as an obese (well these days its just overweight )woman that your self esteem takes a big hit when you feel uncomfortable in your skin.  No one really likes to admit thats true, I mean its whats on the inside that counts correct?  Whats on the inside IS what matters but anyone who thinks that no judgment is past on the exterior package is a fool.  Human nature at its simplest.

We are raised in a world that teaches woman about being beautiful and looking a certain way.  Todays generation may have the benefits of great programs like the Dove self esteem program but I still believe that deep down its rooted in us.

When you don’t have confidence in yourself it is very hard to build yourself up enough to KNOW that you can do something.  To BELIEVE in yourself and what you want.  This is an important key to changing your life and with the weight loss new found confidence comes.

So first you need to believe in yourself, you need to build yourself up to a point that you know you can do anything you want.  Most things in life can be accomplished with the proper mindset and this is no different.  So take the time to think about this.

Write out a list of reasons you wish you should get that weight off.  Make a list of reasons why you should just not.

Look at this list again, again and again.  How many reasons on the not side really count when you are honest with yourself?

Now write out a wish list for your future.

Ill share mine with you……..

  • I wish I liked my reflection
  • I wish I didn’t feel like people are judging me by my weight
  • I wish my mom would shut up about me being fat
  • I wish I felt sexy
  • I wish I could shop at normal stores
  • I wish I could run and play with my kids without being winded
  • I wish I could have independence and drive
  • I wish I set a positive example for my children

Now rewrite that list as follows

  • I will like my reflection
  • I will know that if someones judging me by my weight its in a good way
  • I will enjoy shutting my mom up
  • I do feel sexy
  • I do shop in normal stores
  • I do play with my kids without feeling winded
  • I do drive myself to the gym
  • I do set positive examples for my children in how I life my life

I will tell you that after loosing 50lbs of my 100lb goal I am well on my way to making that latter list true.

Faith in yourself is the key. Surround yourself with people who will build you up and help you feel and remain positive about what you are doing. Those who have nothing to offer in a positive or neutral stance just ignore.  Its as easy as that.  No excuses, get yourself to this point, to this mindset and you have found your day 1.  I’m at day  353 so its along journey but we all need a day 1 right?

Find your day 1.

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