Pishposh71's Blog


Day 617:Dreams

Posted in My Life thoughts,Re Inventing Me by pishposh71 on August 14, 2011
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I have this weird dream from time to time about a house.  Against my better judgement I buy it because the actual bones of the place are amazing and I see the potential to do so much with it.  The people who live there clearly are second generation homeowners as the house is crammed full of beautiful old antiques and a insane mixture of belongings ranging from youth to adulthood.

The oddest part of the house is on the lower level where there are 6 bedrooms each equipped with a medical bathroom. Apparently this area was designed to accommodate the first generations families children who had various medical complications in their lives.  This area of the house made me uncomfortable but I saw the potential again to create a B&B idea as the house was a walkout style basement.

Anyway I bought the house, it was a good price and although I was concerned about the time it would take to make it perfect I felt it a good challenge for me.  On the day I took ownership I realized that I had my work cut out for me.  Some of the personal effects had been removed but for the better part the house remained as was, heavily cluttered with years of belongings.  There was a beautiful antique roll top desk bursting with papers and bills (I always wanted a desk like that) and it was the first thing I tidied up.

I began to worry about what I had done buying this house. About the undertaking of this job. I sat by the kidney-shaped concrete pool (we don’t have concrete pools in Canada though) and looked at the leaves floating on the water. I wondered if the pool was the only thing that was really in functioning order.

Now remember that I have had this dream many times so this is a piecing together of many dreams into one tale.

Last night I was busy taking control of a massive room on the lower level.  It was about 15 feet wide and at least 60 feet long.  It ran the entire length of the back of the house with some windows and several doors opening into the backyard. It was full of everything.  I am sure I saw at least 15 bikes, skis, snowshoes, more and more clothes in boxes, it was overwhelming to say the least.  I had 3 boys (well older teens anyway) who were helping me haul stuff outside onto a patio area. I know that’s what we did but I don’t recall actually seeing the space cleared out.  I decided this was going to be a library type hallway with some chairs and what not throughout it.

I remember going into the area with the medical bedrooms to get some books, there was a room off one bedroom full of children’s books and I thought to start a pile in one corner of my project room of all the books I could find in the house. I ended up getting the boys to do it as I just couldn’t feel comfortable in that area of the house. Those rooms make me feel very sick to my stomach.

I’m sure that there’s a lot of self exploration in this repeated dream of mine. Me, the girl who finds such happiness in the simple pleasures of design is likely processing a lifetime of demons behind that subconscious storyline.

Either way I was awake by 7am and unable to get back to sleep. I decided to write it down for once. MAybe my brain can do more with it visiting it again in the conscious word.

Part of me really hopes that one day I dream about that house being completed. I think that is really important.

 

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Day 570: Holding back the tears

Posted in My Life thoughts by pishposh71 on June 28, 2011

Last night was my sons grade 8 graduation and as is the case with this generation they went all out.  It seems like just yesterday that they all lined up with their cardboard hats to get their SK diplomas and here we are again, another rite of passage.

I don’t see all the kids very often anymore, I’m the mom so I try not to bother them much.  Last night was so nice though, I felt pride for each and every one of those kids who I have known for the last ten years of life.

Day 567: The one where I complain

Posted in My Life thoughts by pishposh71 on June 25, 2011

I don’t really know why we hold any stock in what the weatherman says anymore. The last 2 days it has said its going to storm and we have had light rain and sunshine. I felt sort of bad as the kids wanted into the pool and not everyone had their gear. I always feel bad for the ones stuck on the sideline.

I spent a lot of time on the sidelines growing up. My mom treated me like a little adult and I never really feel like I had any fun as a kid.  I guess that’s why I just let my kids be kids. Before I know it they will be grown up and can deal with the nonsense of life then.  I guess that’s not everyone’s cup of tea and I am fine with that. I just want my kids to run and play, to ride bikes, to swim, to play without a care in the world, that’s what I want for my kids and its the philosophy behind my parenting.

That said, we are off to celebrate a first birthday today, can’t believe a year has passed already. It flies by so fast when they are little.  On Monday we will see our oldest son graduate grade 8, gone are the days of Thomas the tank engine and cuddles on the couch. Now its can I get a ride here, can I have a few bucks for this or that. Amazing how it flies by.

 

Day 353: Believe

In order to succeed in anything in life you have to first believe in your ability to do it. Not think that you can do it but KNOW that you can do it.

I think this is a big element of peoples failure when it comes to weight loss.  I know as an obese (well these days its just overweight )woman that your self esteem takes a big hit when you feel uncomfortable in your skin.  No one really likes to admit thats true, I mean its whats on the inside that counts correct?  Whats on the inside IS what matters but anyone who thinks that no judgment is past on the exterior package is a fool.  Human nature at its simplest.

We are raised in a world that teaches woman about being beautiful and looking a certain way.  Todays generation may have the benefits of great programs like the Dove self esteem program but I still believe that deep down its rooted in us.

When you don’t have confidence in yourself it is very hard to build yourself up enough to KNOW that you can do something.  To BELIEVE in yourself and what you want.  This is an important key to changing your life and with the weight loss new found confidence comes.

So first you need to believe in yourself, you need to build yourself up to a point that you know you can do anything you want.  Most things in life can be accomplished with the proper mindset and this is no different.  So take the time to think about this.

Write out a list of reasons you wish you should get that weight off.  Make a list of reasons why you should just not.

Look at this list again, again and again.  How many reasons on the not side really count when you are honest with yourself?

Now write out a wish list for your future.

Ill share mine with you……..

  • I wish I liked my reflection
  • I wish I didn’t feel like people are judging me by my weight
  • I wish my mom would shut up about me being fat
  • I wish I felt sexy
  • I wish I could shop at normal stores
  • I wish I could run and play with my kids without being winded
  • I wish I could have independence and drive
  • I wish I set a positive example for my children

Now rewrite that list as follows

  • I will like my reflection
  • I will know that if someones judging me by my weight its in a good way
  • I will enjoy shutting my mom up
  • I do feel sexy
  • I do shop in normal stores
  • I do play with my kids without feeling winded
  • I do drive myself to the gym
  • I do set positive examples for my children in how I life my life

I will tell you that after loosing 50lbs of my 100lb goal I am well on my way to making that latter list true.

Faith in yourself is the key. Surround yourself with people who will build you up and help you feel and remain positive about what you are doing. Those who have nothing to offer in a positive or neutral stance just ignore.  Its as easy as that.  No excuses, get yourself to this point, to this mindset and you have found your day 1.  I’m at day  353 so its along journey but we all need a day 1 right?

Find your day 1.

Day 133: Daddie Issues and men as a girl growing up.

Posted in My Life thoughts,Re Inventing Me by pishposh71 on March 18, 2010

*****Edit:  I have decided that this will not be a single post as it looks like I have a lot to spurt out. So instead I shall divide it over several posts.  Remember that this blog was created for me and not your amusement so if you don’t like this then try again another day.  ******

So as I was attempting to go to sleep last night I started thinking about men and how their roles in my life have developed me into the person I am now.

So lets start with the obvious one and work from there.

My father was only in my life until I was 11 years old and took his own life.  In the immediate years to follow I put him on a pedestal, he was afterall my dead father.  As an adult I can see that he was not this great and mighty man I saw him as through child’s eyes.  He was a mere man, like all others just trying to make it in the world.  He worked hard, drank hard and was home very little.  He chased success, money and power.  My mother was right in her decision to leave him and had given him all she could and tried as hard as she could to fix him when the end came. I see that as an adult.  In my child’s eye though I still see this great man,  I believe had this and that happened he would have succeeded in obtaining all his goals but still would have lost us along the way.  So the story is set.

Jump ahead a few years, a new life, country, friends and family.  My mother immediately jumps into the dating pool.  She has several boyfriends along the way.  She was not a slut but committed to each of these men. I think it was around 13 that I started wondering what it was that men wanted.  I have a particular memory of a pair of size 5 woman’s heals I found in the guest room of a boyfriend’s house.  It was my room when we slept over.  I wondered how these shoes came to be here.  Funny that in my innocence I would think that there had not been other women here before my mom.  I remember taking those shoes, stealing them and carrying them home.  To me, I believe they represented the moment that I understood that “pretty things” like shoes are valued by more than just women. I wore those heals at school one day and they called my mom about it.  There was hell to pay for it but I felt like a pretty thing wearing them.

Over the next few years I was exposed to all sorts of men.  A man who holds a knife to my throat as he believes I have done wrong (this time I had not though) a druggie whom my mother has decided to play with (half her age) a cop who throws parties with drugs available, an old tenant who lives in our home who wants me to touch it for him, an uptight tenant who is hiding in the closet from his sexuality threatens to call the cops as my asthmatic breathing keeps him awake at night, there is an array of men who pass by my eye as I form opinions on the opposite sex.  All these men have no redeeming qualities and leave my father at the top on his pedestal in comparison.

The men up to this point in my life have been an influence in my life but I have not had a real relationship with any of them.  I have liked boys, even had the occasional boyfriend but nothing that allows for a further interpretation of men.

Tomorrow I will cover my teenage years up to early adulthood.

As always I wish you a wonderful day.

Did you know Britain’s Got Talent?

Making time to write seems to harder now that the weather is nice. So many things need to be done that this list seems endless, like the list of names Santa has on his giant scroll.  Oh well I guess that eventually I will get it done….. to those  of you reading me (some I know, most I don’t) sorry that my postings have become sporadic.

So yesterday I was introduced to some of the talent found thus far in England as they begin picking the contestants for Britain’s Got Talent.  My sister in law started poking around You Tube after hearing about  one women Susan Boyle who tried out. As with many things, word of mouth leads more to take a peek.  We don’t get this show here in Canada but I thought I would share some of the amazing clips. Enjoy, looks like some tough competition……..

This young boy just blew me away, lets hope puberty doesn’t ruin this gift on him.

Now this little girl was clever in her element of surprise.

This man, wow, I mean how can your life pass by without this gift being seen?

And then we have remarkable dance troops…….

and also

What can you say about that? Clearly Britain has some serious talent that’s for sure!

To further make a point……..

Posted in My Life thoughts,Uncategorized by pishposh71 on April 30, 2009

So I wrote bout stupid people who like to sue other people just because they can and then ironically a perfect example came along to present itself.

My youngest child was a worm hunting last night with our neighbours son. While examining the popcorn bucket that the worms were put in my child went to stand up and whacked his head off the corner brick of the house.  He received 4 stitches in his head for it.   I chalk this up to being a kid, and anyone who read yesterdays entry will already be thinking he is following in his mothers footsteps. Stuff happens right???

This is one of those opportunities the proffessional sue nut lives for. Its payday, my kid hurt himself and I’m gonna make some money off it!

Now admittedly with the markets the way they are it may actually be a better idea to sue everyone you know to build your portfolio ( portfolio meaning the mattress stuffed with money) than rely on your broker to make it for you (hence the mattress). Unfortunately for me I have this whole conscience and  karma thing that seems to hold me back from this great life plan.

SO that said I think I may have cleared the air of my opinions of the sue nut. I can now move onto a new topic when I next post……..

On a side note, should you be thinking of robbing me of my mattress to access my portfolio I will save you the trouble. We used said broker to make said money and now said portfolio sucks ass. I’d cash it out and stuff it in the mattress but it would cost more in gas to pick it up than its worth (that was mean)

Have a great day and tune in again for additional crazy ramblings……..

Mr Messy

Posted in My Life thoughts,Uncategorized by pishposh71 on April 3, 2009
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Do you remember the Mr Men books when we were kids?  I sure do!

mrmessy

I think of them every morning when I go into my room to make the bed. 

This may seem like an odd thing to say but have have my reasons.  You see I married Mr Messy.  I know ,I know, I seem to have all the famous men in my life ( I’m not really married to RPazz) and all I do is criticize them but that’s whata gals gotta do ta make it through the day!

So I present you with the evidence on hand. This would be the master bedroom of my house.  This first picture shows my side of the bed. ( I should mention that those cables you see irritate me, I have issues)

tashassidetidy

 

and this would be the other side of the bed. (the cables suddenly seem less significant to my sanity)

kevinsmessyside

So you can see the problem right?

 I mean what more can I possibly do for him?  This picture was taken the day after “the experiment”.  You see the laundry basket is usually in our closet, and his clothes are usually on the floor as they are in this photo.  I thought that I would place the actual basket on the spot he leaves his clothes each night to see if this would be enough of an incentive to insert them in for me.  I personally think he put them on the floor just to spite me (I know I would). This went on for about a week.

So I had to let it go, the basket is back in the closet and each morning a pile of clothes lay on the floor. Each morning I pick them up and walk the 4 feet over to the closet to put them in the basket.  I tried to leave them on the floor so that a mountain of laundry would form (plus he would run out of clothes as I only wash whats in the baskets) but then I realized that this could lead to a full nervous breakdown for me.

I knew this would not work as I did the same thing with clean laundry.

I color sort it, wash it, dry it, fold it, sort it out into persons piles and thats the end of it. All my kids (even the 6 year old) take their piles and put it away. My husbands pile grew and grew in a basket I placed on the nightstand, it was twice the height of the basket. I nearly went insane looking at it each day (this picture is taken about the middle of the pile height) but I left it alone.  I found a solution one weekend while at his parents house for dinner. I tattled on him. His mother tore him a new hole about being lazy. We went home that night and I got the silent treatment but it was worth it because guess who put his laundry away!   I think I should e mail this pictures over to her later today………….

Moral of the story ladies?

Sometimes a mother in law can be useful, and sometimes tattling can work in your favor rather than just giving you the usual headache.

Watch for the next segment regarding cereal, bowls and coathangers……

Exclusive Images of Baby Nessie

I am happy to report that I have the first exclusive photo’s of Edward Cullen’s first born child.  Last month rumors circulated that an unknown women was pregnant when she married the beautiful shiny Volvo driver.  Much speculation was floating around as to the truth of the wedding pictures and some scoffed that it was clearly photo shopped.  In an impromptu interview the whore  lovely Mrs Cullen she told us of the whirlwind romance between her and her hubby and how the recent documentary Twilight has thrown them into the public eye.

After our talk she invited me to take a quick tour of their new cottage,  previously owned by the notorious Barbie.  No longer are the days of wild parties with Barbie and her cousin from Malibu by the poolside.  This home is now the quiet family retreat for Edward, Nessie and his new bride.

edwardcrib

Edward was the attentive father as he fetched baby Nessie after her afternoon nap.

edwardbabycouch

After bath time Edward enjoys a moment with his daughter while the country air drys her skin naturally.

So I am happy to report that things at the Cullen’s appear to be as normal as can be expected.  although Edward has found all the attention his family is receiving alittle overwhelming he feels that it was about time that the truth about vampires came out.  since the release of the documentary Twilight Edward has found a good friend in vampire Bill Compton**and they share a common ground in the cross species love interests. 

** Bill Compton is a vampire from the successful series TRUE BLOOD featured on HBO and in Canada The movie Network. It will be going into its second season in the fall of 2009.

90210: Everyone’s lov’in the Rob

Posted in My Life thoughts,Uncategorized by pishposh71 on April 1, 2009
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90210

So tonight I watched a new episode of 90210 that the PVR taped last night (yes, I watch 90210 don’t judge me!) and me oh my who did they mention? our boy Rob that’s who!  Not that it surprises me that much be it 90210 or L1E1W9 we all love us some Rob.  Still it gave me a little smile to see it happen.

That’s it for today people, I have nothing more for you! (but I gotta say, have you seen the naked frontal shot of RPazz from Little Ashes that’s floating around out there???   *THUD*

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