Pishposh71's Blog


Day 54: Back to work!!

Posted in Re Inventing Me by pishposh71 on December 29, 2009

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Last night I was standing in front of the mirror looking at my face and I noticed something, a crease that formed by my chin and ran up toward my mouth.  I looked and looked at that crease trying to figure out how I got it in the first place. I mean crows feet I get, I am almost 40 and I do have a certain amount of stress in my life on even the best of days.  It then suddenly dawned on me.  I have lost weight off my face, its more oval than round now. I pulled my chin inward and sure enough, there was the answer. The crease was the line formed over time, the line between my real chin and the extra chin I had added.  I’m not foolish enough to have not known how round my face had become.  It was one of the main reasons I veered away from cameras, I hated to see that image frozen in time and splashed across Facebook as I was tagged in someones pictures.  I like to control the few images of me available, hell I would rather just stick with all my old photos from a lifetime ago.

I have this picture of me, well actually I have a bunch, all taken in about 1994 that I love.  It was a good time in my life when I was relatively happy with myself, if not my life.  I had found love and even though it wasn’t working out right by any means I was a happy person.  Anyway, those pictures.  I can remember when we picked them up from the print shop and took them home to the apartment. There were three of us there, each with our own pile of home-made glamor shots.  I looked at them and I can remember critiquing myself mentally.  In the shorts and tank top I thought, “I look good but man, look at my thighs, they are huge”.  Another shot taken in a fitted white cat suit underneath a velvet military style coat with tall black boots amazed me. I looked really good, really classy.  I remember thinking that I liked how classy I looked, like someone who people would respect, like someone worth caring about.

I still have those pictures, pictures of me frozen for an eternity in that exact moment.  I don’t know if I would want to return to that exact moment again. I don’t think it would change much in the grand scheme of things. Someplace mixed in all those emotions of that moment was my future.  I believe that I did become that women in the white cat suit, someone who people respect for the most part, someone who carries themself with class for the better part.  Ironic that it was the perfection of the picture that made me feel that way. I wonder if I had seen a picture of myself from the future if I would have felt the same way? I can answer that with a positive no.

I’m not sure what the point is of all this but I guess it is what it is right?

Well I should get back to life, the kids are arriving and my day is coming to life.

As always, have a beautiful day.

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