Pishposh71's Blog

Day 56: Waiting for Midnight!

Posted in Re Inventing Me,Uncategorized by pishposh71 on December 31, 2009
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So there we have it, another year wrapped up and done.  Wasn’t the best of years for us overall but I guess we  scraped through it without anyone getting hurt.

I made it onto the treadmill in the morning while the kids played in groups together, all well-behaved to my delight.  The treadmill is an easy way for me to feel good about myself when my brain is feeling sorry for itself.  As usual I feel better after a 30 minute program.

Last night I went out to the gym to be trained which always leaves me feeling like I have accomplished something.  I try to push myself as hard as I can and that feeling is very rewarding.  It will be a long road before it’s all done but I know that it CAN be done.  That’s the something I hang on to.

After we finished training we had a chance to visit and have some dinner together which was really nice.  Not only is it wonderful to have a friend who can help me better myself in such a significant way but it is also nice to have a way to spend more time together. Something that I have missed over the years hidden in my ball of blubber and shame.  Opening up and being honest with myself and others was the best thing I could ever of done.  I thought that admitting unhappiness with myself would be like professing failure and I would be left open, raw and vulnerable. All traits I have banished from my adult life and ones that I share with a very select few( but get me drunk and I will blab to anyone)

Anyway, tonight at midnight we  will ring in another year.  I have no grand resolutions to make as I have already committed to the only plan that matters.

Finding Me.

I don’t find New Year’s to hold the magic it once did for me. It may be more that when I was younger I would always be at a big celebration and the energy of hundreds of drunk people (including me) would lift me up.  These days we tend to stick with smaller, quieter gatherings which I enjoy more in some ways. I like having the people around me who make my life what it is, who share in so many of the moments that define the past year of life.  These are the people who love me.

My husband is now finished work again. It was only a contract position.  I guess the restless nights will be starting in full as I worry about how to make things work.  Hopefully it works itself out quickly or we are in a heap of trouble.  Frustrating to have these problems in our late thirties.  I guess that many others are in the same boat though.

Well I guess this is it for today, as always I wish you all a great day and have a wonderful New Years eve whatever you are doing!


Day 55: Wednesday

Posted in Re Inventing Me,Uncategorized by pishposh71 on December 30, 2009

I thought this was a pretty funny graphic when I found it, so here you go. I doubt I will be doing anything naughty though…..

I come to you this morning with a cloudy head and mind, messy hair and blurred vision.  This considering the time is rather sad I think but never the less a reality of my existence at this moment.  Sleep is something I like a lot, I enjoy curling up in my bed and feeling the peacefulness around me as I drift off to sleep.  Lately I have found my sleep patterns are on the change.  I used to be up and in bed by 10.30 at night and yet now I am seeing midnight or one pass the face of the clock.  Some nights its my fault as I bury myself in the pages of a book I am unable to put down (yesterday’s was called 19 Minutes about a student who shoots up a high school) but other nights I have no explanation.  I am not always thinking about anything specific, I understand the lack of sleep when I am over analyzing a moment or conversation in my head but when its nothing it becomes frustrating.

So fuzzy and blurry I come to you today. I tell myself that tonight I will go to bed early but the reality of it is that tonight at 10.30 I will forget how tired I was when I woke up. Thus the cycle continues.

Today is another run of the mill day. My oldest son is still at my MiL house so in total I will have six kids with me for the day.  I am willing to bet its freezing cold outside so we will likely watch a film together and have some popcorn (well they will have popcorn not me)

My mood has shifted this week, I feel sort of sad at times. Prehaps with the hustle of Xmas over I have the time to reflect on the people I love who are not a part of my life.  A trip to the treadmill is in order I think to break the melancholy that is me right now.  I am sure that dinner at our friends and a trip to the gym will help make me feel better later tonight.

As always, I wish you all a wonderful day.

Day 54: Back to work!!

Posted in Re Inventing Me by pishposh71 on December 29, 2009


Last night I was standing in front of the mirror looking at my face and I noticed something, a crease that formed by my chin and ran up toward my mouth.  I looked and looked at that crease trying to figure out how I got it in the first place. I mean crows feet I get, I am almost 40 and I do have a certain amount of stress in my life on even the best of days.  It then suddenly dawned on me.  I have lost weight off my face, its more oval than round now. I pulled my chin inward and sure enough, there was the answer. The crease was the line formed over time, the line between my real chin and the extra chin I had added.  I’m not foolish enough to have not known how round my face had become.  It was one of the main reasons I veered away from cameras, I hated to see that image frozen in time and splashed across Facebook as I was tagged in someones pictures.  I like to control the few images of me available, hell I would rather just stick with all my old photos from a lifetime ago.

I have this picture of me, well actually I have a bunch, all taken in about 1994 that I love.  It was a good time in my life when I was relatively happy with myself, if not my life.  I had found love and even though it wasn’t working out right by any means I was a happy person.  Anyway, those pictures.  I can remember when we picked them up from the print shop and took them home to the apartment. There were three of us there, each with our own pile of home-made glamor shots.  I looked at them and I can remember critiquing myself mentally.  In the shorts and tank top I thought, “I look good but man, look at my thighs, they are huge”.  Another shot taken in a fitted white cat suit underneath a velvet military style coat with tall black boots amazed me. I looked really good, really classy.  I remember thinking that I liked how classy I looked, like someone who people would respect, like someone worth caring about.

I still have those pictures, pictures of me frozen for an eternity in that exact moment.  I don’t know if I would want to return to that exact moment again. I don’t think it would change much in the grand scheme of things. Someplace mixed in all those emotions of that moment was my future.  I believe that I did become that women in the white cat suit, someone who people respect for the most part, someone who carries themself with class for the better part.  Ironic that it was the perfection of the picture that made me feel that way. I wonder if I had seen a picture of myself from the future if I would have felt the same way? I can answer that with a positive no.

I’m not sure what the point is of all this but I guess it is what it is right?

Well I should get back to life, the kids are arriving and my day is coming to life.

As always, have a beautiful day.

Day 53: Monday

Posted in Re Inventing Me by pishposh71 on December 28, 2009

I just realized that in all the rushing around I have yet to write today. I write everyday and so I feel the need to put some words down, even if they are as simple as to wish you all a great day!

Day 52: Sunday

Posted in Re Inventing Me,Uncategorized by pishposh71 on December 27, 2009
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Today is going to be a quiet day for us, not going to do too much other than grab a small amount of groceries and get some gas.

Yesterday we went over to my MiL’s house for a meal. My husband’s sister arrived late Xmas night and so we went to have a meal with them, the kids and the in-laws.  After our meal we watched the movie DISTRICT which was really good I thought. We then headed home, not realizing that it was eleven at night. I need to get these kids back on a normal sleep pattern again!  We had a bit of a scare when we came home.  I thought the hamster had died, stuck in the tube upside down. He was however sleeping like that but it freaked the crap out of me!!  I do not need Christmas presents dying on me.

Well this is it for today, not very exciting but it never really is!  My weight appears to be holding for the time being and I am hoping to still weigh the same or less come friday.

As always, have a great day!

Day 51: Boxing Day!

Posted in Re Inventing Me,Uncategorized by pishposh71 on December 26, 2009

So there we have it. Christmas gifts open, garbage gathered, fingers wore from a bazillion twist ties opened, tummy full of turkey and hamster cages assembled.  Its over.

This year was sort of sad for me.  The best thing about Christmas morning is the whispered giggles and awe over the stocking contents at around 6am.  We usually lay in bed listening in on this moment and it truely fills my heart with the magic of Xmas for children. A time of innocence and faith lost to those in grown up shoes.   Well this year I awoke from sleep at 3 am.  The whispers where so low that I couldn’t enjoy them, clearly a well thought out plan on their part….DO NOT WAKE MOM AND DAD cuz we know damn well its pitch black outside and is not time to get up.  I crossed the hall and announced that they could continue with the stockings but then had to go back to sleep until the moning.  Downstairs was off limits until 7am.  They did as asked but not before I had to redirect my youngest away from the stairs.  I figured this would be the Christmas that he would go nuts, 6 seems to be the perfect age.

We awoke to the phone at 8am with my M & FiL calling to say they were on their way over.  This gave us time to make teas and coffees for everyone and then upon their arrival the kids started in.  I know that it drives my MiL nuts that I wont let them tear through the gifts like savage animals but I wont cave in on this point.  They each select a box and hurriedly tear it open, squealing at the content and showing each other.  I insist on taking time with opening gifts. I want them to appreciate the things they get, know who it was from and acknowledge that.  How can that happen if they tear through it all in sixty seconds?

Once the gifts under both trees (we have one upstairs and one in the rec room) were done I proceeded to make a big family breakfast.  Scrambling up 30 eggs, 2 kg of bacon, a pack of sausages and a loaf of bread. I was after all  feeding 9 people.  Great meal and for me a huge treat.  That bacon had 100 calories a slice which added up quick.

The day was spent helping the kids, it seems this one day a year that we go none stop helping them assemble things or play with things.  Part of our Christmas schedule.  It was after 2 when I finally got dressed and by 3 we were out the door and headed over to my brother in laws place.  This is like a second home for me. My SiL is one of my very best friends and I was happy that we had dinner at her place.  The meal was good, and it was nice for the whole family to come together.  All my husbands brothers where there, which is a rarity in adult life.

Finally we returned home and began the tedious task of straightening and cleaning up. Really a foolish move considering the kids will just be tearing into it all again today.  So finally at 11 I had the younger two in bed and I wasn’t far behind them to drift off to sleep.  All in all it was a nice Christmas for me.

Today the scale held steady, reading the same as it did 24 hours earlier. I will use the treadmill today and hope that the number holds (or drops) tomorrow!

As always, have a wonderful day!

Day 50: Merry Christmas to you all!

Posted in Re Inventing Me,Uncategorized by pishposh71 on December 25, 2009

Somehow, not only for Christmas
But all the long year through,
The joy that you give to others
Is the joy that comes back to you.
And the more you spend in blessing
The poor and lonely and sad,
The more of your heart’s possessing
Returns to you glad.

~John Greenleaf Whittier~

Yes it is Christmas day, and yes it is weigh in friday, Yup I’m hard-core baby!

So after a quick review of the stockings contents I hopped on the scale before heading down to see what magic had happened under the tree whilst we slept.  Now I am only planning to maintain throughout the holiday season, it is Christmas after all right?? Well according to the scales I have dropped 2.2 lbs this week!!! I guess Santa was good to me and sucked a few pounds off while I slept!!!

Well, I have no time to write more. It’s almost 2 in the afternoon and I have yet to have a moment to get dressed!!!

As always, have a wonderful day and a beautiful Christmas with those you love.

Day 49: Thursday, Christmas Eve

Posted in Re Inventing Me,Uncategorized by pishposh71 on December 24, 2009

Ok so this cartoon I really like because lets face it, we have all done it right?

It is so hard for me to fathom that tomorrow is Xmas. It’s surreal.  All the running around, tidying, cleaning, wrapping and budgeting is done. Yes, tomorrow is Christmas!

Today I have ony the two boys with me until about three which is good because I have a  million things to get done after they leave.  Sadly enough I am not done shopping yet and have to finish it today after they go  home.  I hate this but paydays only happen once a week!

Hopefully I will get it finished up in time. It’s mostly gift cards and such that I need to get anyway.  I do want to find actual gifts for my MiL and FiL as they will have nothing under the tree this year if we don’t. It makes me sad to think if a tree with no gift what so ever under it.

Last night we stayed up late and did all the pre day stuff. Gifts all wrapped? check. Enough to fill the stockings? check.  Assemble hamster cage? check.  It’s all done now.

So today will be the big clean up and then thats that.  Tonight we hang up the magic Santa key and wait for the magical whispers of our children’s voices in the morning.  One of my most favorite things in the world, those hasty, excited, quick little whispers that pull me from slumber.  Kevin and I will lay together and listen to these sounds as they share together over their stockings. These days will not last forever and that makes them only more precious to me.

So I shall get going,  As always I wish you all a great day!

Day 48: Wednesday:Really??

Posted in Re Inventing Me,Uncategorized by pishposh71 on December 23, 2009
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We are but days away from Christmas but yet I cannot wrap my head around that idea.  It just feels like it snuck up on me, or I forgot about it until 20 minutes ago, Christmas! Really????  now?  already?   huh.

Well yesterday went well, managed to get through a program on the treadmill without a war breaking out.  I shampoo both Téa and myself as I am not going to miss Christmas over head lice.  Now I feel better knowing that if I missed something that it got a dose anyway.  This is not the normal tactic or attitude I would take but its Christmas, and I know how things work around here. If I find and do nothing I will get a breakout Christmas eve. That’s just how things in my life work.

After the kids went home we headed out the door.  Stopped by one friends to drop off a gift and ended up going in for a coffee (well a tea).  This was a tricky situation as she is known well for her spread of goodies.  I ended up with a very small wedge of cheesecake which I savored with my tea.  I managed to convince her that I didn’t need anything else to eat which was good because there was like a billion calories on the table! I was great to stop in and see her though, she is such a great person!  I consider moving to this neighborhood and finding these friends a great decision on my part.

After we left there we took a run over to my MiL house to finish making up our Christmas gifts. No longer top-secret as the cats out of the bag now!  I glued her bows and came home with a bunch of ribbon to transform into bows for her.  They will be over tonight to finish them (assuming they don’t break any of the glass blocks)

Today is quiet so far. I have one family today but they have yet to show up!  My goal is to clean upstairs if possible. I would do laundry but I have discovered I have no soap so thats a no go.  I guess I will have to get some tonight and stay up to get it done. Oh well! thats what I get for not planning out a grocery list before going to the store.

Well I guess its time to get this day going. My belly is grumbling for a feeding!

As always have a great day!

Day 47:Tuesday. Seriously?????

Posted in Re Inventing Me,Uncategorized by pishposh71 on December 22, 2009
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So I begin my day to the shrill ring of the phone. I hate that. The first child wasn’t scheduled to arrive until 8.30am so I had set my alarm for 8am to treat myself. The phone rings at 7.20am adn I awake to the dreaded words:head lice.

Seriously?  seriously?

One of the children I watch has them again. Mom informs me that she won’t be coming, as far as I knew she wasn’t scheduled to be here anyway!   So I crawl out of bed and look for my official head lice bucket (an old ice cream tub containing my Lice meiser comb, old toothbrush for cleaning comb, a normal wide tooth comb for brushing out hair, some hair ties and lots of mini clips)  As my kids come down the stairs I break the news to them and sit them on the stool to look.  It all seems ok so far.  As I am very nervous about this I am going to shampoo my daughter’s hair to be safe.  She is extremely prone to them and I am taking no risks with this. I will be livid if I miss out on Christmas dinner at Lori’s and be confined to my home . I won’t usually do this but I just see no other choice.

Yesterday was just another normal day around here. The kids all played well and although the boys together become rather loud and rowdy it was an ok day. One of my families stopped by to drop off a gift for me.  It is odd not to have her daughter here as she is with me everyday.  I am so used to her company now that it feels off without her.  ANyway it was a rather cool gift, it’s a seat that does massage and heat.  I think that both my husband and I will get lots of use from this.  I love massages and he has arthritis forming in his back so it might help him too.  I took the time to glue this families original gift back together (it was dropped by her son in all the excitement last friday) and although the back side looks bad, and it will never function as a cookie jar, it looks ok from the front.  The most important thing for me was that the kids see that I valued the gift in the first place.  I am going to put it in the bathroom with my make up in it, which will look fine as the jar was/is shaped like a purse.   In the evening I took a run out to the stores so my SiL could do some shopping and I picked up some groceries which I didn’t get done on the weekend.

Tonight I believe we will have to go out again to finish off some Christmas projects.

I plan on getting on the treadmill after this entry. I am pretty sure that the kids will manage for 30 minutes while I use it. It’s in the rec room so they are in the same room with me.  Later today I have to take the kids outside (per parent request) which I am not looking forward to as it is cold and I hate the cold.  I guess I gotta do what I gotta do.

Anyway, this is all I have to share for today.  As always, have a great day!

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