Pishposh71's Blog

A Promise Kept all all costs

Posted in My Life thoughts,Uncategorized by pishposh71 on February 24, 2009
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This is something I wrote about last year and published on another site. I had forgotten about it until yesterday when a lady e mailed me to ask if she could publish it in her book about spirtual encounters. Most of what I write is intended to offer up some entertainment. This time it is not. It may sound crazy to some, if you know me though, it is clear that I’m not crazy that way ( you may think I am after reading this) So here you have it, my own experiance with ghosts and premonitions. I was written with sincerity. Enjoy!!!

I have always felt some odd connection to the spirit world. Like somehow I have a deeper involvement than I know about. I feel an odd connection to the past and often wonder if I lived another life in the past? I don’t have any major encounter’s like some of the stories I have read here but I still feel what I have experienced is worth noting. This is long because it has great sentiment to me and to do the experience justice you need the whole story.

My family history wasn’t by any means the picture of perfection. My mother was never very maternal and when I was a child I was fortunate to have my grandmother to provide me with love and nouturing. My grandma Avis (my dads mom) lived with us when I was little. In England the cost of living is high and so when my parents married they purchased a house with her so that everyone could have a big spacious house. Anyway my dad ran his own business and was never home. I know he loved me very much but he was so driven to succeed and be wealthy–to live the wealthy lifestyle that it was all he did. On many occasions he had asked my grandmother to “make sure Petra is O.k” as my mother would be side-tracked by her horses and animals. I remember hearing this statement many times in the first 11 years of my life.

Now as you may of guessed my mother eventually tired of a marriage to a workaholic alcoholic and decided that she need to start a new life for herself and me in Canada. So it was planned for us to leave and come to Canada. I was excited about the move, the thought of hot summers and winter snow in Canada was very cool to an eleven year old girl who lives in rural Cornwall England.

As the time approached I spent more time with my grandmother who was devastated that her only grandchild be leaving her. I remember one morning my dad coming into my grandmas side of the house with me and saying “mom you’ll take care of her right? I can always count on you to take care of her right?”. Both grandma and I had heard him ask this many times before and so she agreed as usual and he left for work after giving us kisses.

Later that afternoon I was playing house with my dolls in my grandmas caravan and listening to the song “fame” on tape. ( 1981) I suddenly had a thought ( it was very matter of factly) dads dead. Just like that I thought it, and my response to the thought was nothing. Like someone telling you “the toasts ready” well of course the toasts done, I heard it pop. I went back to what I was doing and about an hour later the police arrived to tell my mother and grandmother of my fathers suicide. That moment in the caravan is etched in my mind some 25 years later, I knew all along and was not surprised by the thought of his death or the actual news from the police.

After all was done with we did still come to Canada, we had nothing as my father had made some bad business decisions and lost everything which was the reason for his suicide…pride. We left behind my poor grandmother with a husband lost to the war, no son, and no grandchild to seek comfort in. I was twelve and really did not appreciate what she must of suffered in this dark time of her life. I had a rough go of it over the next ten years of my life as grandma was across the ocean in the most important years to guide me. We kept in touch of course and as the years passed and I grew mature we became close again as we where when I was little. She wasn’t like your typical “old lady” she never passed judgement on my mistakes but instead encouraged me to learn from them and be stronger. She saw me through some really dark hours when I thought my destiny would be the same as my fathers. We spoke every other weekend on the phone. She was overjoyed by the arrival of her first great grandchild James (one of those mistakes she never judged) and told me that she felt me growing stronger everyday. Two years later I married James’ father but she was too sick to travel for the wedding. Then when our son was 3 I found out I was pregnant again, she was excited for us and again went on about how strong I was becoming with my husband at my side. As my pregnancy came close to end I told her I would call her as soon as I got out of recovery (caesarean births) and she said not to worry about that and to focus on the baby, she said you are so strong now, I’m so proud of you, and your dad would be proud too of the woman you have become. It was a touching moment for me as my heart always ached for the father I never got to have.

One week later my grandmother died and my world fell apart. One week after her death I gave birth to a baby girl and with this I found her again.

I came home from the hospital and sat nursing the baby in the rocking chair. I felt a coldness behind me to the right and the hairs on my neck stood up. It is the most intense feeling I have ever had in my life. It was her and I have no doubt in my mind about that. I spoke out loud and told her I knew she was there. I fed that baby for the next month with that feeling around me. Only in that chair. I know why she was there. She told my dad she would always take care of me and she did. She spent her whole life thinking of me once he died.

I found out later that she had been sick for some time before her death but did not want to cause me worry. She was 97 years old and I honestly think she lived that long because of that promise she made to my dad. She came back after she died to make sure that I was o.k and that I had the strength to live out my life. If I did not have that strength I honestly think her ghost would have stayed with me. She only came around during the first moth of my daughters life till she had the answer she needed. She was right, I am strong. I’m strong because of her love over the years. I hope she has all the lost loves of her life back, her husband and my dad. I still miss her and it was 4 years ago.

Amazing how love can have such power over us.

This is my long tale of love and in my heart I believe that there is still more to come


2 Responses to 'A Promise Kept all all costs'

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  1. gartalker said,

    I really enjoyed your story

    gary Simmons

    • pishposh71 said,

      Thanks for my first feedback! I just started blogging over here at wordpress and am working out all the kinks of switching! Glad you enjoyed this, it was a strange experiance, years ago but I will never forget it.

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